What Will You Do?
What will you do?
Guess you could say the signs are pretty obvious.
More visits to the doctor for varied reasons. Regular conversations about health with your peers. Increased time reminiscing about days past. Growing list of philosophy tomes consumed.
I’m talking of living in the other side of ‘middle-age’, however that may be defined. A defining characteristic for me is both the luxury of, and angst of figuring out what to do with the remaining fruitful years one has.
If you are fortunate to be able to actually take stock of what you’ve done, how you’ve lived, and perhaps have the freedom to at least contemplate what you want to do going forward, you’re in a select group. This piece is an attempt to exhort you to use that opportunity wisely.
For most of my peers in their fifties, you could argue that we have around 25 ‘good’ years left in us. Where our physical ability and mental faculties stay largely intact, enabling us to follow our passions, and do what we truly want to do, not just what we’re used to doing. I paraphrase a pithy statement I heard recently, “this is not a dress rehearsal — there is no re-do.”
What will you do with this time?
I ask you to take a slightly morbid approach for a moment. Imagine yourself on your deathbed — be optimistic and push that out at least 25 years from now. Now look back on your life and see what you have wrought — how does it feel? Do you feel joy with where your time went? What regrets might you have? What memories give you fulfilment and a sense of a life well lived?
A few maxims I’m trying to incorporate, albeit with limited success, but a genuine desire, nevertheless.
1. Focus on what brings you true joy and invest your energies in it. I’d wager that for most people, this is not going to be in the form of more possessions or other markers of material success. Enough research shows it will come from giving and receiving love, deeper, meaningful relationships, as well as time spent on activity that makes lives better. Joy can also be derived from purely individual activities — perhaps finally pick up that guitar and learn how to strum a tune, or read better authors and more of them. Perhaps learn how to sail, adopt a rescue pet, or even just how to make amazing cocktails that you can dazzle your friends with. Engage your mind and heart. And soul.
2. Let go. Apply the Marie Kondo principle to your life in general. Jettison people, things, notions that don’t bring you joy. Let go of resentments and grudges. Don’t let others live rent free in your head. Occupy your mind with positivity — start a virtuous cycle with gratitude.
3. Appreciate the little things. I’ve been a mindfulness meditator for years and want to now become more mindful even when not sitting in meditation. Savor that meal or glass of wine. Actually, really stop and smell that rose when out for a walk. Take a detour to catch that sunset (which if you live in Seattle like me, is a rarity anyway!). Be present when you’re speaking with your partner, children, friend. Make the most of every minute you have — live, be truly alive and present.
4. Find meaningful things to do, or find meaning in what you already do. Does your vocation (or avocation) give you a sense of purpose, or are you going through the motions because that’s all you’ve known? I’ve often said to an oncologist friend of mine how much I admire his profession and also envy him — because at the end of almost every day, he has the satisfaction of knowing that he made a real difference in people’s lives that day. Shake yourself out of a possible stupor of inertia before it’s too late. Each one of us has real talent or skill that can make a difference, that you can derive fulfilment from. It’s not too late to learn and develop new ones.
5. Do good. This may ruffle some feathers and people have understandably different notions of what doing good consists of. All I’m asking is that you choose to do something regularly that helps another human being, in whatever way you prefer. For some, this mean just being kinder, offering emotional or physical support. For others, it may entail donating money to organizations that are focused on improving the lives of the less fortunate. There is a selfish motive behind this — research has shown that giving is more joyful than receiving. Altruistic acts actually add to our own well-being and joy, in a way that self-serving acts don’t.
This is not meant as a finger-wagging exercise. If anything, gentle reader — see it as a nudge to wake you up if you’re just going through the motions every day, urging you to be a bit more thoughtful. Our lives are incredibly precious and you’re already unbelievably fortunate if you are reading this because it puts you in that rarefied company of people who have choices about their lives, and how they want to lead them. At worst, I hope you see these as helpful suggestions that make these years the ones you’ll look back at most fondly when it’s time to go.
Peace.
